Spock Misses The Point

Perhaps I haven’t quite found the answers to my previous questions about whether private or public things make an interesting blog, but I think I’ve just observed a case of being public with your private thoughts and feelings to the point where they’re no longer private, no longer your own.  Everyone is in on the action, to think and feel with you.  Well, they are still yours, but it leaves less room for you in your own headspace.  Sharing is nice, but it’s great to kick the party out of your head and have the place to yourself for a while.

Like most people out there, this is also something I keep juggling, between talking about stuff with friends, and needing my own time to reflect.  Or similarly, between enjoying going out with friends, and chilling at home with the cats.  Some people like more externalising, in order to get the best range of opinions (I once made an analogy to an externaliser-housemate of mine that it’s like how cows regurgitate their food for rechewing and redigesting); while others prefer to internalise to work it out for themselves.  I use to be the latter (and by nature I still am), until a certain period of my life taught me that I need a balance between the two.  During that period, I just had to externalise.  This was unusual for me.  Most of the time I have been able to, and preferred to, work things out, and resolve things, but this time I just had to talk to people.  And I didn’t care who I told.  I told close friends, I told friends of close friends, I told their friends, and I told people I had just met and never saw again.  I just needed to get it out, and I observed their reactions.  After that, I just shut up.  I just needed to let all the talking and listening settle, to get a better view of how all the layers sit.  It was then easier to be quietly and calmly private.

And you know, after a while you realise you’re no longer thinking about it, but you’re thinking back on it.  You’re no longer fighting it, denying it, or carrying it.  It’s become part of you, it’s been accepted as such, and you catch yourself smiling at it for all the right reasons.

A couple of hours ago I came across a clip to a Japanese group called Soup performing a song called Maho in the street.  I don’t understand a word of it (although google tells me that Maho means magic in Japanese, cool), but it feels like home and it sings like a reflective smile.  So I’m dedicating this one to all those who are smiling. 

Technorati Tags: maho, private goes public, smile, Spock Misses The Point